Anyone can tell you I'm a hypochondriac. Literally, my picture is beside the word in the Webster's Dictionary. Now, most people who are hypochondriacs won't admit to it. Me on the other hand, know it and still act crazy.
I think the main reason why I am like that, is because if there are so many illnesses/diseases out there, then shouldn't I be subject to get one as well? Also, the factor that many of them can kill you (example Appendicitis) if you don't act upon it scares me enough to jump to conclusions. True, it probably was very annoying to my family when I would claim that my appendix was rupturing every month because I had a pain in my abdomen. Unfortunately, I foresee me being the Boy who Cried Wolf, and end up actually needing care, but no one will listen.
Anyway, this particular blog isn't about my random pain sides. This is about me being convinced that I was infertile. Going on two years ago, I got pregnant with my son John. Lo and behold, I wasn't infertile. I was over the moon that I was able to conceive. So, when Zak & I decided to start trying for baby #2, I figured it would be just as easy. And this is where the blog truly begins...
In April of this year, I decided I wanted another baby. I had been charting my cycles since John was born five months ago, and they seemed excellent. Perfect actually; 28 day cycles, when normally I had 35 day cycles back before I was pregnant. The only thing that concerned me was that instead of having 14 days (or my regular 12 days) of a luteal phase, I was only having 7 days. The luteal phase is from the time you ovulate, till you get your next period. The problem with that is that if I conceive, I would miscarriage without even knowing it. The embryo wouldn't have time to implant itself before my next cycle would start.
Zak & I talked about it, and I decided to go to the doctors to make sure I was healthy and everything before trying. That was on June 20th. I had just ovulated, and was expecting my period in a few days. The doctor told me to get some progesterone cream and use it only after I ovulated until my period came. Her thoughts were that it would lengthen the luteal phase, allowing me to successfully conceive. Otherwise, I had the green light to trying!
We discussed everything, and decided that we would get pregnant in August, as Zak would be done with his classes, and he could help me out over the summer months. Well, John started crawling in July, and became an absolute handful! Now we were scared to try, in case we couldn't handle two kids at once. So we were very careful to use contraceptives until after I ovulated... which never came. I was expecting to ovulate in mid/late July, and the next thing I knew, it was August with no signs of ovulation or a period. I thought that perhaps we had gotten pregnant by mistake, and took several pregnancy tests. All negative.
I then schedule a blood test in mid August; negative. They figured I just skipped a period, which is sometimes normal, and I was sent home. On the last day of August, I finally ovulated. We had become careless, and stopped using contraceptives as much, and 3 days before I ovulated, we had had sex. I was in a mix of emotions. In one way, we had hoped to get pregnant then anyway, so it wouldn't have really mattered. In another, we had just started planning our Renewal of Vows and that would have to be canceled if I was pregnant.
I took pregnancy test after pregnancy test, and another blood test on top of those; all negatives. It was now 17 days past when I ovulated, and I was ready to bet my life that I was pregnant, but then I got my period. Now that I had been so sure that I was pregnant, it felt really bad to not be pregnant.
Again, as we always do, Zak & I talked about getting pregnant again, and we decided that we should try again after October 12th (some Chinese Calendar said to wait till after that date if we wanted a girl; call us crazy, 'cause we know it!). I thought that my cycles would become regular again, which meant we would have to wait till the following month to try. But then, October 12th came and went, and I still hadn't ovulated! So we got busy, trying and trying and trying. Either on October 30th or 31st, I ovulated, and we had timed everything perfectly. I was ready to take a pregnancy test on John's first birthday and announce to everyone that we were pregnant again.
I made a doctors appointment on John's Birthday, just in case I wasn't pregnant. I took a test in the morning of November 12th, and it was negative. After talking with the doctors for a few minutes, they diagnosed me with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). It was going to be extremely hard for me to have another child with this. I couldn't believe it. I had that ounce of faith that I was still pregnant, but later that evening, I started my period. It felt like the entire world was against me. It wasn't fair! I am only 21 years old, and I have been forced to only have one child.
Now that almost a month has passed since I was told the news, I have come to accept it somewhat. Not entirely, and I am still most upset about it. But, I have hope. The doctor wants to put me on Clomid in April, providing I haven't gotten pregnant by myself yet. I feel so blessed that I have John, when a lot of women with PCOS don't even get one child. And for that, I am forever eternally grateful.
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