Well, it seems to me that it's about time to start a blog. I mean, I talk enough, right? I'm not used to typing out my thoughts, so we'll have to see how this goes...
It has now been several days since my next cycle was suppose to start. Though Zak is taking this well, it has me on pins and needles. I don't really feel pregnant, but then again, I didn't feel pregnant with John either at first. I've taken 2 Dollar Tree tests, and both have come out negative. I've decided to get a First Response Pregnancy Test for tomorrow's sample of urine. I'm hoping that this will tell me a simple yes, or no (along with a period!). It's the unknown that scares me, as it scares most people. I could deal with being pregnant if I knew I was. I could relax if I knew I wasn't. The unknown part is what gets me. Whether you pray, or cross fingers, or believe in Lady Luck, wish me all the best tomorrow for a NEGATIVE test result!
Now, on to something more enjoyable.
John has been really clingy to me lately, which I hope will pass. I love that he loves me, but I can love him from a distance! I bet all you other mothers out their agree with me. Even when he's not wanting me, he's needing me. If he can pick it up, you're sure as hell that he's putting it in his mouth. Though he hasn't choked on anything yet, I don't want to see him get hurt. Overall though, he's a bouncing happy baby boy. Who knew that 9 months would fly by so quick. I remember crying when he was 2 weeks old, because he was half a month old. Before I know it, he'll be leaving me and starting his own family.
Zak and I went to a wedding yesterday for his friend. Afterwards, we started talking about what our wedding would have been like, had we had one. After we had a good night's sleep, we talked this morning about it some more. We've noticed that the "spark" in our relationship has been dimming, and we have had many theories as to why. I believe that we are taking each other for granted now, just because we are married. I also believe that we're not trying to impress the other, as there is no point to (we're already hitched anyways!). We knew that we wanted to have a ceremony down the road, and a reception to exchange our rings in a church. Other than asking for best wishes only, we didn't know how to make it not tacky. Not just for everyone else, but for ourselves as well. We came up with a solution!
We have both agreed to act as if we were dating again. Though we will live in the same house, as we have a common denominator (John), we don't actually have to act like husband and wife. Starting tonight, we will sleep in separate rooms, and have no sexual contact between the two of us. Even when we visit others, we will follow this rule. We are now saving ourselves until we're married. Our 42 second wedding was a signing of immigration forms. We never counted it as our wedding, so therefore, we are not married. Legally yes, but we don't see it.
Are we born-again virgins? No. We have done the deed (hence why John is here), but we are going to save ourselves for marriage. I hope that the attraction to one another will be strong enough to make us want to impress the other, as if we were dating all over again. We want to have a decent wedding, which will mean that we need decent money. If everything goes according to plan, I believe that Saturday December 28 2013 will be our wedding date - on our technical 3rd anniversary.
Are we weird - yep. Are we proud - you bet. If I'm pregnant, then I'll have a due date of approximately April 11th 2013, and work off the baby weight for the upcoming wedding. If I'm not, then I'll be in overdrive on our honeymoon to get John a sibling. Hoping this counts as a good first blog post!
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